I suddenly appreciate how much of a writer girl I’ve always been – because stumbling onto old entries like this have me REALLY noticing just how far I’ve come.
Fun story – Ya girl used to be a hardcore stoner.
I started smoking weed at 14 – and didn’t stop until I got pregnant with my son (at 30).
And when I say didn’t stop? Bro – I was dipping out on Christmas day to get my fix.
Family gatherings?
I can remember re-appearing into the parties, and my brother giving me the side eye – Perk of having a family of cigarette smokers? I SWEAR THEIR NOSES WEREN’T AS SENSITIVE TO THE SMELL OF WEED.
The fact that I could hot box my fucking closet, and somehow think the entire house didn’t smell??
It’s not that I never drank – I just smoked more.
And if I’m being honest? It kind of fucked up my social life in later years – because I developed a weirdo social anxiety.
I preferred smoking weed alone – or with a group of very few people that I felt 100% comfortable with.
My pregnancy was the longest I’d been sober in nearly 2 decades.
I hated it.
My sleep was off.
I was scattered – it wasn’t until my son was diagnosed with Autism and started behavioral therapy that I learned my smoking weed had helped me self medicate for years.
YA GIRLS BRAIN IS CRACKED – It moves a mile a minute – I’m constantly ON!
Turns out it’s programmed with ADHD and a touch of the ‘tism.
Weed helped me slow’er down – Helped me CHILL.
I just… abused the substance.
For those who say weed isn’t addictive?
Bro – any habit can become addictive, ok!!
And this was BEFORE it was legal – back when you’d score ditch weed in random dudes cars and garages…
Reading the below – 4 years after the fact – I feel more accomplished than I realized.
When I wrote this? The fires had already started – I was in the midst of falling for the married man that helped me accept that my relationship with baby daddy was dead (you can read further into that hot goss here).
She already thought her life was hard – but she had no idea how heavy it was about to get.
(more…)
MEGA FEELS 